I imagine it would have started with some of the players.
 
Maybe it was in Baltimore, at a players’ only meeting. The Baltimore organization had been very vocal about a number of pressing issues in the black community, including the fight for justice for Breonna Taylor, and Baltimore players had expressed pride in the organization for doing so. So, when no police officers were indicted for killing Breonna Taylor, perhaps the players were frustrated.
 
The organization’s statement had done nothing. Now it was time for them, the players, to make a stronger statement.
 
They had a big game coming up on Monday Night Football.
 
So, Baltimore players started texting KC players. KC’s players got together and had a meeting. Several of the players were still a little raw over the fans booing their moment of unity with Houston players in Week One.
 
They were in.
 
Both teams’ players went to their coaches.
 
“We’re not playing.”
 
By Thursday night, rumors were spreading like wildfire. On other teams, players were having their own meetings, and communicating with friends on other teams. No mention of any of it was made on the league’s Thursday night broadcast, but behind the scenes, things were happening quickly.
 
All around the league, players hastily called team meetings. Most of the players quickly agreed. Dissent among players was almost nil, with one rare exception that was quickly solved when Malcolm Jenkins stuffed Drew Brees in a locker.
 
By late Friday, all the teams had agreed. The players had spoken. The teams had no choice but to agree. The league had no choice but to accept.
 
On Saturday afternoon, Roger Goodell and DeMaurice Smith held a joint press conference. They announced the cancellation of the remainder of Week Three’s games. They indicated that Miami’s win on Thursday would count only as a tiebreaker to decide a potential playoff spot. Instead of games on Sunday and Monday, players and coaches from each team would make themselves available to media, and that attending media would be encouraged to ask questions relating to social justice issues.
 
Wouldn’t that have been something?

It's just a fantasy, though.
 
 
 
Week Three Picks
Winners in Bold:
 
Houston at Pittsburgh
Cincy at Philly
San Fran at NYG
LV at NE
Tenny at Minny
Washington at Cleveland
LAAries at Buffalo
Chicago at Atlanta
Carolina at LABolts
NYJ at Indy
Dallas at Seattle
Tampa at Denver
Detroit at Arizona
 
Sunday Night
Green Bay at NO
 
Monday Night
KC at Baltimore

There’s a scene in “The Princess Bride” (one of my favourite movies) where Westley, still as “the man in black,” encounters the giant, Fezzik, who has been ordered to kill him. During the course of their brief encounter, they talk, and at one point they have this exchange:
 
Fezzik: Why are you wearing a mask? Were you burned by acid or something like that?
Westley: Oh no. It’s just, they’re terribly comfortable. I think everyone will be wearing them in the future.

​

So far, there have only been a few NFL games with fans in the stands. The opener in KC had at least one fan in attendance who later tested positive for COVID-19, exposing numerous other attendees and stadium workers to the virus. The team and the league are spinning it as a success, saying that their social distancing protocols limited the exposure, and allowed them to determine who exactly was exposed to the infected party.
 
Thousands of people allowed to gather for a sporting event, reports of numerous violations of social distancing rules, actual DOCUMENTED exposure to an infected patron, and the team and league are walking around puffing out their chests like a bunch of fucking heroes.
 
This past Thursday in Cleveland, fans were fighting in the stands. Those fights were broken up by stadium security. As I understand it, there will be fans in the stands at more games as the season progresses.
 
There’s a reason why there have been literally hundreds of thousands of COVID-19 deaths in the U.S., and that reason is an appalling, arrogant lack of leadership at the highest levels of government. So too has the NFL failed fans by allowing teams to decide whether fans can attend games.
 
In the absence of leadership, you have to look after yourself. Follow social distancing rules. Don’t attend NFL games.
 
And wear a mask; it’s what heroes do.
 
 
 
Week Two Picks
Winners in Bold:
 
Jax at Tennessee
After Jax’s surprise burst of competence in their opener, I doubt that division rival Tennessee will take them lightly. Expect Tannehill to try to spread the ball around in the absence of AJ Brown, and a heavy dose of Henry.
 
Carolina at Tampa
I expected Tampa’s defence to be good, but even I was surprised at just how good they played against NO’s offence. Even if Tampa’s offence is only so-so, they should be able to take this one, which is good for them, because Brady didn’t look to be nearly as in-sync with his receivers as he needs to be.
 
Denver at Pittsburgh
Pittsburgh is a bit banged-up on the OL, but without Von Miller, Denver won’t be able to exploit that as much as they normally would.
 
LAAries at Philly
I’m not as high on Philly as most people seem to be, so them going in the tank against Washington last week didn’t surprise me. LA’s good performance against Dallas did surprise me, however. Aaron Donald looks as dominating as he’s ever been. This could be a close one.
 
SF at NYJ
With George Kittle Out, a thin receiving corps, and Richard Sherman on IR, San Fran looks like a team that’s primed for an upset. Against Gangrene, though, they’ll probably squeak by.
 
Buffalo at Miami
Considering the pressure that they’re under to win this season, I was impressed by how easily Buffalo handled NYJ last week. Although there were some sloppy moments, Buffalo’s victory was never in doubt. If they remain focused, Buffalo should handle Miami easily.

Detroit at Green Bay
My two upset specials last week were Arizona and Detroit, so you can imagine how upset I was by Detroit's snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. Aaron Rodgers was in mid-season form last week (minus the broken bone), and with Detroit already battling the injury bug on defense, I'll be expecting no upsets here.
 
Minnesota at Indy
Minnesota has had a lot of turnover in their secondary since last season, and they looked it in Week 1, as Aaron Rodgers had a big day. Phillip Rivers should be able to exploit Minnesota’s defense in much the same way.
 
Atlanta at Dallas
With injuries to LBs Leighton Vander Esch and Sean Lee straining an already suspect Dallas defense, this one has all the makings of a high-scoring affair.
 
NYG at Chicago
Despite losing in their opener, there’s good news for Big Blue. Despite facing a relentless Pittsburgh pass rush that stymied Saquon Barkley, Daniel Jones played pretty well, his mistakes coming largely as a result of defensive pressure. Also, New York’s defense looked sharp at times. With both Khalil Mack and Robert Quinn banged-up, I wouldn’t be surprised to see New York’s offence have a much better game as a unit. I’m sure-as-hell not sold on Trubisky, after Detroit did Detroit-y things and handed Chicago a win last week.
 
Washington at Arizona
Washington looks like they might have themselves a formidable defensive front-seven. If they play as well as they did in Week 1, they’ll be a good challenge to young Kyler Murray.
 
KC at LABolts
The Bolts narrowly escaped with a win against Cincy in Week 1. KC is a rather large step up in competition.
 
Baltimore at Houston
Houston got their butts kicked in Week 1, and I suspect they’re in line for another butt-kicking against another better team. I’d say that Houston should fire Bill O’Brien, but I guess the damage is done.
 
 
Sunday Night
 
NE at Seattle
The Pats unveiled a rush-heavy attack last week, and they had success. Having Jamal Adams in their secondary gives Seattle more freedom to challenge the Pats’ rushers, so I expect we’ll see Cam Newton trying to pass a bit more this week. Russell Wilson was his typical fantastic self last week, and him battling NE’s secondary will be a key matchup in this one.
 
 
Monday Night
 
NO at LV
NO’s offence got off to a slow start against Tampa last week, and only really got going as a result of Tampa’s turnovers. Drew Brees looks positively ordinary, and he’ll face Vegas without Michael Thomas. This game will be decided by how Derek Carr handles NO’s fearsome pass rush. Carr definitely has enough talent around him to do some damage.


​Well, that’s it for Week Two. Thanks for reading. Enjoy your Sunday football. This will most likely be my last football column.

All of my life I've tried so hard
Doing my best with what I had
Nothing much happened all the same

Something about me stood apart
A whisper of hope that seemed to fail
Maybe I'm born right out of my time
Breaking my life in two

Throw me tomorrow, oh oh
Now that I really got a chance
Throw me tomorrow, oh oh
Everything's falling into place
Throw me tomorrow, oh oh
Seeing my past to let it go
Throw me tomorrow, oh oh
Only for you I don't regret

And I was Thursday's child (oh oh)
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, born I was

​--from "Thursday's Child," by David Bowie


In past football seasons, I would typically write a short column giving my pick for the Thursday Night game. I've made no secret of my disapproval of Thursday football. I'd say that I've written hundreds, if not thousands of words over the years on the subject of why Thursday football should not be.

Sadly, I have reached the point of self-annoyance.

So, in the interest of my own mental and emotional well-being, I will no longer legitimize the league's insistence on having Thursday football. I will, instead, use this opportunity to think (and perhaps write) about whatever I want to that day.

So tonight, while you're thinking about Bengals, I'll be thinking about tigers.

If you'd like to take some of the money that you might spend on NFL merchandise and spend it on tigers instead, here's one way to do it:

WWF Gifts: Adopt a Tiger
​
It's a neat little program, one that I have personally used in the past to give gifts to friends. It's especially nice for kids, because they get to learn a bit about conservation, and they get a plush toy to boot.

Ok, that's the end of my touchy-feely message.

Enjoy the game, if that's what you're into.

Thanks for reading. This will most likely not be my final non-football column.

​

There’s a scene in “The Princess Bride” (one of my favourite movies), where Westley, still wearing a mask as “the man in black” catches up to Inigo, and they engage in an epic sword battle. At one point during their fight, Inigo is so impressed by the skills of “the man in black,” that they have this exchange:
 
Inigo: (incredulous) Who are you?
Westley: No one of consequence.
Inigo: I must know.
Westley: Get used to disappointment.
​

(Note: If the preceding made no sense to you, it’s entirely possible that this might not be the right football column for you. Best keep reading, though, just to be sure.)

 
In life, things can always go wrong. All you can do in any situation is your best. In any situation, you have at least some level of control over whether or not you are satisfied with the outcome. Being a sports fan is not like that, especially if you root for a particular team. We like to think we have control, but we don’t, and no amount of yelling at the TV, no lucky jersey, no prayer, no bargain with unseen forces, is going to change that. As the fan of a team, you are relying on what other people do to decide your happiness. Sure, a spectacular catch, a great tackle, a breathtaking run, can bring you to the heights of ecstasy. However, a dropped pass, a missed kick, an injury, can just as easily bring you to the depths of despair. And these are just instantaneous incidents. There’s also the satisfaction of cheering for a team that has a tremendous run of success, or the flip side, the crushing disappointment of being a Cleveland fan.
 
When you rely on yourself for your own fulfillment, to some extent, you get out of it what you put into it. When you rely on other people’s actions for your fulfillment, people who don’t know you or care about you, you get what you get. Sometimes, you get disappointed.
 
As a sports fan, you get used to disappointment.
 
There are players I like, or at least like to watch. I enjoy watching a good, well-played contest, competitive, skillful, and fair. I appreciate good defense as much as offense, sometimes more. I don’t root for any particular team, though. It’s not my thing. I’m not knocking anyone who does. In fact, most of the people I know who watch football are die-hard fans of a particular team. Not me. The simplest way for me to put it is that I find the whole idea of rooting for a particular team too “complicated.” I could go into more detail, a lot more detail in fact, but that would be its own thing, and this isn’t that.
 
Not rooting for a particular team, not liking the league itself, having no faith in the sycophantic media that covers the league, and my general dislike of human behaviour, particularly in groups, pretty much insulates me from disappointment when watching football now.
 
Take Thursday’s kickoff game between Houston and KC for example. If you read my column the other day, you know that there were a bunch of things I was curious about regarding the telecast of the games:
 
The things I’ll be most curious about will be how much time is spent during the broadcast talking about “issues.” Will the network people talk about social and player protests in this and other sports? Will they mention KC’s new ban on the racist regalia that has been de rigueur at their games for ages? Will they mention the backlash from KC’s “fans” regarding the ban interfering with their racist “fun?” Will they talk about Kaepernick? Will they mention George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, and/or any of the myriad other names of people who have been unlawfully killed by police? Will they mention Black Lives Matter? Will they actually say that Black Lives Matter? And, with only 17,000 expected to be in attendance due to social distancing rules (a fraction of what a typical crowd would be), will we be able to hear the vile, racist chanting that was so embarrassingly, disgustingly prevalent during the broadcasts of KC’s run to the championship last season.
 
Now, anyone who’s read my columns before knows how loathsome I think KC fans are. So, when these garbage people boo the players as they gather for a moment of unity, I’m not disappointed. When Al and Cris ignore the booing, I’m not disappointed. When I can’t find any mention of the booing on the league’s official website, I’m not disappointed. And when I hear them play the music in the stadium to encourage the fans to begin their vile, racist chant-n-chop (in the stadium where the KC organization hypocritically and meaninglessly banned racist costumes), while Al and Cris sit with their thumbs up their asses and spew meaningless drivel about “supporting the players” and “social justice,” I am not disappointed. I expect nothing better.


 
It occurred to me the other day, as I was reading what was supposed to be my last football column ever, that I expressed my thoughts about what would happen in the AFC, but did not do the same for the NFC. Now, I hate leaving something unfinished, and I do have some stray thoughts kicking around in my head, so…


 
NFC East
 
It says something that Washington got rid of the racial slur, removed the logo, and is still one of the worst organizations in the league. That’s Dan Snyder for you. Last place is theirs.
 
I’ve seen where NYG has been pegged as one of the worst teams coming into this season. I disagree. I see them as more of a middle-of-the-pack team, but with lots of potential upside. I thought that Daniel Jones proved last season that he belonged as a starter in the league. With plenty of receiving talent, and of course the superb Saquon Barkley, there’s lots to like about the offense. Jason Garrett, finally free of Jerry Jones’s meddling, will run the offense. The big question mark will be the OL. New York used the 4th overall pick in the draft on T Andrew Thomas, on their way to spending three of their first five picks on O-linemen. The defense will need to improve a lot as well over last season’s poor performance. The team added LB Blake Martinez, a very good, very smart player who should help the defense become a more cohesive unit. Though Big Blue might not contend for the division, they should definitely improve on last year’s record.
 
I don’t like Philadelphia. I don’t like Carson Wentz. I still think they should have kept Nick Foles and gotten what they could from a QB-needy team for Wentz. Wentz is an injury waiting to happen. If he stays healthy, they have a shot at winning the division again, but mostly because Dallas is their main competition.
 
Last season, we saw two Dallas teams; the one that blew out the bad teams, and the one that lost every time they played a good team. From a talent standpoint, they should have won this division easily, but instead they finished 8-8, despite outscoring opponents by 113 points (so much for stats, eh?). Talent-wise, they should win this year, but who knows. Mike McCarthy is the coach this season. Will he look at all the offensive talent and be reborn as an innovative play-caller, spurring his charges to glory, or will he take one look at Ezekiel Elliot, and revert to the same boring, predictable play-calling that got him bounced out of Green Bay? (Aside: On a personal note, I think that Dak Prescott is a hero for speaking out about his emotional difficulties, and any high-profile broadcasting assholes who want to say anything different can fight me. #SickNotWeak)

 
 
NFC North
 
 Detroit is a hard team to figure. Matt Stafford’s talent and character are unassailable at this point, and if he’s healthy, he has enough talent surrounding him for Detroit’s offense to be really good this season. For some reason, the defense can’t seem to get it together. This season will see some new faces on the defensive side of the ball. If Matt Patricia can’t get enough out of them to make a decent showing in the North, he’s probably going to get canned before the end of the season.
 
Chicago will have Akiem Hicks back, and they picked up Robert Quinn, so Kahlil Mack will be much happier than opposing offenses. That’s all well and good, but Trubisky is still the starting QB, and even if he gets hurt or benched, Nick Foles will quickly find out that this team doesn’t have a lot to work with on offense.
 
Kirk Cousins seems to have all the physical tools to be a successful QB, and by all accounts he’s a hard worker. There’s just something about him that’s always bugged me, a lack of a sense of urgency maybe, that makes him less effective, and more likely to shrink from big moments. It was only due to some recent public comments that he made that I figured out what’s been wrong with him all this time: he’s fucking stupid.
 
Aaron Rodgers doesn’t strike me as a very happy guy, and he certainly doesn’t seem like he likes very many people. Not to get personal, but he hates his family (apparently), he can’t sustain a romantic relationship (apparently), he has a reputation for embarrassing coaches and teammates (publicly), and he holds onto old grudges against former coaches, and all the teams that passed on him in the draft (FIFTEEN-FUCKING-YEARS-AGO!). Last season, Green Bay went 13-3, largely due to the fact that they fielded their best defense in years. Rodgers played well, but despite having a good running game to rely on, the team had no depth at receiver. So, after getting thrashed in the conference championship game by San Fran, Green Bay used their first pick in the 2020 draft on… Rodgers’s replacement. Aaron, buddy, I think they’re trying to tell you something. Green Bay will probably win the division again, then find themselves escorted out of the playoffs yet again.

 
 
NFC South
 
I can’t fucking stand Drew Brees. He’s such an asshole. He just does one shitty thing after another, but none of the shit ever sticks to him. He’s the NFL’s perfect poster boy, the white, Christian, family man, capital-Q Quarterback. He’s abused animals. He’s hawked bogus supplements. He partnered with a shady, LGBT-hating religious group to force kids to read the bible in school, then refused to condemn the group when asked about its anti-LGBT agenda, which includes promoting conversion therapy. And only recently, he stuck his foot in his stupid mouth yet again by spouting some nonsense about “disrespecting the flag” in response to the killing of George Floyd and the resulting protests. Anyway, New Orleans is stacked, and returns most of its high-octane offense from last season, and with continuity being such a key to getting off to a good start, they’re odds-on favourites to win this division. Yuck!
 
Carolina probably won’t do much this season. With Teddy Bridgewater and Christian McCaffrey, the offense might be able to do a bit of damage, but the loss of retiring Luke Kuechly is too big a blow to just shrug off.
 
Atlanta has been touted as a dark-horse contender, but I have my doubts. Matt Ryan to Julio Jones is still one of the best bets in the league, but there’s not much else to bank on with this offense. The addition of Todd Gurley could be huge, but I’m doubtful that he can return to the form that made him arguably the best back in football only a few short seasons ago.
 
The biggest wild card, and perhaps the most intriguing story in the league, is Tom Brady in Tampa. Though many thought that Brady had a bad year last season, I was impressed with how well he played, considering how many injuries New England experienced on the OL and at WR. In Tampa, Brady will have no shortage of offensive talent around him. Also, Tampa’s defense is better than it looked last season, when it was over-taxed due to a big-play Tampa offense that turned the ball over 41 times. Tampa’s front seven is loaded with talent, with the likes of Vita Vea, Lavonte David, and last season’s Sack leader Shaq Barrett. All hype aside, this is a team that can beat anyone.

 
 
NFC West
 
San Fran had a 10-point lead in the Superb Owl, before losing. I guess that’s Kyle Shanahan’s thing now. Their defense is good enough to win the division again. I’m not as high on the offense, which is pretty thin at WR.
 
LAAries crash-landed last season. I don’t expect them to be much better this year. They’ve lost too many players on both sides of the ball. Jared Goff and Sean McVay are a well-matched pair; both highly overrated.
 
Arizona looks intriguing. Kyler Murray showed that he had the stuff in his rookie campaign, and the team went out and got him DeAndre Hopkins. The great Larry Fitzgerald returns. The defense looks a little suspect, but the offense will make Arizona a dangerous opponent for any team.
 
Let’s face it: Russell Wilson can do it all, and he wins games. He has an excellent complement of receivers to work with. The addition of superb S Jamal Adams gives the defense the kind of dynamic, versatile player that improves the whole unit. This could very well be Seattle’s year.

 
Since I concluded my previous column by picking (correctly) the Thursday night game, it only makes sense that I give my picks for the remainder of this week’s games.
 
Week One Picks
Winning Team in Bold:
 
Sunday
 
Philly at Washington
Miami at NE
GB at Minny
Indy at Jax
Chicago at Detroit
LV at Carolina
NYJ at Buffalo
Cleveland at Baltimore
Seattle at Atlanta
LABolts at Cincy
Arizona at SF
Tampa at NO

 
Sunday Night
 
Dallas at LAAries
 
Monday Night
 
Pittsburgh at NYG
Tennessee at Denver


 
Well, everyone, I’m glad I got a chance to finish properly. It feels great, and I enjoyed myself tremendously. If you read to the end, I thank you.
 
Good day, folks. This will most likely be my last football column.

​There’s a scene in “The Princess Bride” (one of my favourite movies) where Westley explains to Buttercup how he became “The Dread Pirate Roberts.” In telling his tale, Westley recounts how he was captured by Roberts, and how he became the pirate’s valet. Roberts would end each day by telling Westley, “I’ll most likely kill you in the morning.”
​

​(Note: If the preceding made no sense to you, it’s entirely possible that this might not be the right football column for you. Best keep reading, though, just to be sure.)
​
 
Years ago, I started writing a football picks column on another website. It was good. I was good. After five years, I got tired of writing about football. Watching the NFL had become a guilty pleasure; I enjoyed the games, but the league was a cesspool. So, I quit. After a year, I reinvented myself as an angrier fan, found a new site, and changed the name of the column to “Hate-Watching The NFL.” It was only supposed to be a one-off, a chance for me to vent about all the things about the league that bugged me, while still offering honest (and admittedly biased) picks and analysis.
 
At the end of the 2017 season, I told myself that I was done for good. However, when September 2018 rolled around, I was back at it. When the season ended, I once again told myself that was finished.
 
And so on…
 
At the end of last season, I was absolutely convinced that I was finished. KC had won the Superb Owl. The last of the woman-beaters had hoisted the Lombardi. The last racist chant had been chanted. The last racist chop had been chopped. Everything was garbage. Nobody cared. Fans didn’t care. Media didn’t care. Teams didn’t care. The league sure-as-shit didn’t care. What was the point?
 
That was February.
 
I don’t know about you, but to me, February feels like forever ago.
 
A LOT has changed.
 
The killing of George Floyd, the callous, matter-of-fact manner in which it was done, the fact that it was filmed, caused a shift in reality for the many people who refused to grasp the extent to which Black Lives are marginalized and brutalized. After this, no right-thinking person could deny it. The lines in the fight for justice and equality had been redrawn.
 
Now, I have no misconceptions when it comes to the league and its teams giving a shit. They’ll pay lip-service to whatever social cause will make them look good. This was different, though. The response to Floyd’s killing, the outcry, the protests, the demand for justice, was a force. The backlash to the movement, from police and their apologists, opportunists, and racists (including the apricot-tinted Opportunist-in-Chief), only highlighted the division in the country. The lines were clearly drawn, and in football, if you’re outside the lines, you’re out of bounds. The league and its teams had to, at the very least, pretend to care, and to do so CONVINCINGLY.
 
So now, we have the contemptible Roger Goodell singing the praises of Colin Kaepernick. We have KC banning the racist cosplay from their stadium. We have the Washington… Football Team (?!?).
 
But do we have change? We’ll see.

<Above retweeted by Colin Kaepernick>



If you had asked me a month ago, I’d have told you there probably won’t even be NFL football in September. The U.S. government has so badly bungled the response to the COVID-19 pandemic, that while other countries have been able to successfully manage it, and return to some semblance of normalcy, the U.S. COVID disaster continues unabated. We all now know that the failed human being that currently occupies the country’s highest office deliberately and callously mismanaged the pandemic response, in every and any possible way, and that he is personally responsible for literally tens-of-thousands of deaths. Because of “Apricot Pol Pot,” my dear friend’s pet-name for the president, the U.S. is viewed with horror by the rest of the world, as a country no one wants to visit, and whose citizens are unwelcome. COVID-19 has wreaked havoc on all aspects of life in the U.S., and professional sports has been no exception. Other major pro leagues have managed to work out ways to bring their sports back, with varying degrees of success. Football would be especially difficult to manage safely, what with the size of the rosters, intense physical contact, and so forth. I think that you could make a strong case against bringing back any of the major team sports, and the strongest case would likely be against the NFL.
 
And, yet, here we are, about to kick off the 2020 season.

(Here’s a link to an article that outlines each team’s current plans with regards to attendance at games. Some teams have decided to temporarily limit or exclude people from attending games, while others have had the decision made for them by state governments.)
 
This is usually the point where I would begin talking about the upcoming season, and what I expect. However, with the kind of crazy year 2020 has been, with COVID, with the societal unrest and division in the country, and everything else that’s happened so far, predicting a football season seems a foolhardier pursuit now than it’s ever been. With the crucial presidential election on the horizon, would it be so crazy to think that the whole country might be on fire in two months’ time?
 
With all that has happened, is happening, and could very well happen, attempting to make any kind of predictions about the upcoming season does not merely seem nonsensical; it sounds crazy.
 
But, I mean, while I’m here, I do have a few thoughts…

 
AFC East
 
If Buffalo doesn’t win the East this season, the team should be disbanded. They return most of the starters from one of last season’s best defenses, and they added Stephon Diggs to provide another target for talented/streaky Josh Allen. Speaking of Allen, Buffalo fans had better hope that he doesn’t get hurt, as the QB depth chart drops off precipitously. Backup Matt Barkley, how should I say this, is terrible, and the next guy up is Jake Fromm, a southern Christian gun-lover with questionable judgement when it comes to racially insensitive “humour.” If they were smart, they’d sign Kaepernick. The publicity storm would pass, and they’d have a talented, mobile backup who could run the same offense that Allen runs.

Standing between Buffalo and the East title are:

New England—Adding Cam Newton will cushion the blow of Brady’s departure somewhat, but this is the same shitty offence that Brady was stuck with last season, minus legendary OL coach Dante Scarnecchia. Last year, New England succeeded mainly due to having the best defense in the league. This year’s version will be without LBs Kyle Van Noy, Jamie Collins, and Elandon Roberts, who are on other teams, and Don’t’a Hightower, who opted out, along with S Patrick Chung. On a weird note, New England drafted a guy who turned out to be one of these extreme right-wing, gun-licking racists (if you count tattoos as commitment, which I do). He’s still with the team as far as I know.

Miami—Young talent, future contender, not ready yet.

NYJ—Sam Darnold is still a question mark. Receiving corps is thin. No Jamal Adams (in Seattle) or CJ Mosely (opted out) on defense.

The East is Buffalo’s to win or lose.

 
AFC North
 
The only thing I’m reasonably certain about in this division is that Cincinnati won’t win it. They got their QB, now they just have to hope that he’s good, that they can keep him healthy, and that they can build a team around him.

Cleveland looks a lot like the team that couldn’t live up to the hype last season. The talent is all there; they just have to put it all together. No one’s hopping on that hype train just yet. These windows of opportunity tend to close pretty quickly, so Cleveland fans will be hoping that Baker Mayfield can lead this offense.

Baltimore returns most of their offensive starters, minus the great Marshall Yanda. I still say their offence is gimmicky and not sustainable. We’ll see how defenses adjust to them this year. Defence was good last year, and has added Calais Campbell to shore up the line.

Pittsburgh will be the main obstacle to Baltimore winning the North again. Their defense should be as good or better than last year’s superb unit. If Bigfathead Ben plays well after elbow surgery (Aside: One has to wonder how much Ben’s porn addiction contributed to his elbow woes…), Pittsburgh will likely take this division.

 
AFC South
 
How this division shakes out will largely depend on two players: Phillip Rivers and TY Hilton.
 
When Ryan Tannehill was in Miami, I could never tell whether he did poorly because he was dumb as dirt, or just because Miami sucked. Last season, he took the reins from failing Marcus Mariota, and proceeded to play like one of the best QBs in the league. With force-of-nature Derrick Henry in the backfield, Tennessee should be able to get it done on offense. Defense is potentially upgraded with the addition of Jadeveon Clowney. If Tannehill plays as well as the incumbent as he did as Plan B, Tennessee is good enough to take this division easily.

In a way, I feel bad for Deshaun Watson. His coach and GM are the same moron. (I know I say this every year, but how is Bill O’Brien still employed?) DeAndre Hopkins is gone, sold for scrap, replaced by spare parts. Houston’s best player on defense is a perennial season-ending injury waiting to happen. I won’t shed too many tears for Watson, though; he’s incredibly rich.

Jacksonville drafts first in 2021. Who else is this bad?

It seems funny that around this time last year, we were talking about the stunning retirement of Andrew Luck. Before Luck rode off into the sunset, I had Indy down as championship contenders. Despite the sudden change, Indy got off to a good start before stumbling to a 7-9 record. This is the only team that can challenge Tennessee in the South. To do that, though, three things have to happen: Rivers must play well, he must develop a rapport with Hilton, and Hilton has to stay healthy, something he has had difficulty doing of late.

 
AFC West
 
Easiest division to pick.

KC has too much talent, too many returning players, and not enough competition, to relinquish their hold on the West.

LV is probably the best of the rest, with loads of talent on offence.

Denver is deep at RB, has lots of potential at WR, but Drew Lock is a question mark. Von Miller looks to be lost for a significant amount of time.

LABolts were looking like a potential dark horse, until S Derwin James went down with another serious injury. James’s versatility is the key to LABolts’ offense, and without him, I don’t see them in the playoff mix.
 
Now, if I were doing a football column, I would talk about the kickoff game on Thursday night. You know; this one:

 
Thursday Night
 
Houston at KC
 
With the lack of preseason games, talent and continuity will be huge advantages early on in the season. As I mentioned previously, KC is returning most of its starters from their championship team. Their offence is a track team. They have Mahomes. The things I’ll be most curious about will be how much time is spent during the broadcast talking about “issues.” Will the network people talk about social and player protests in this and other sports? Will they mention KC’s new ban on the racist regalia that has been de rigueur at their games for ages? Will they mention the backlash from KC’s “fans” regarding the ban interfering with their racist “fun?” Will they talk about Kaepernick? Will they mention George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, and/or any of the myriad other names of people who have been unlawfully killed by police? Will they mention Black Lives Matter? Will they actually say that Black Lives Matter? And, with only 17,000 expected to be in attendance due to social distancing rules (a fraction of what a typical crowd would be), will we be able to hear the vile, racist chanting that was so embarrassingly, disgustingly prevalent during the broadcasts of KC’s run to the championship last season. Anyway, enjoy the game. Winner: KC


 
Well, I’m glad I got that out. It felt good. Almost, shall I say, cathartic. If you read to the end, I thank you.
 
Good day, folks. This will most likely be my last football column.

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