I was looking at some football stuff on Tuesday night, and I noticed that the World Series game was close, so I turned it on, out of curiosity. I give baseball a hard time for being boring, stuck in the past, rife with crybabies, so I thought I’d give it a chance.
 
My verdict: same old baseball, with some new stuff added to make it worse.
 
When I switched on the game, they were in the middle of discussing the controversial play at first base, the subsequent upholding of that terrible call by replay review, and the ridiculous temper tantrum by Washington’s manager. The whole sequence combined some of the worst things I remember about baseball, idiot managers (dressed like players?!?) acting ridiculous, awful umpiring, with a new wrinkle, replay review failing to correct an obvious mistake.
 
(Aside: Are there any officials in pro sports WORSE that umpires? Say what you want about hockey, basketball, soccer, even football officials, they at least have to be athletic, and they don’t try to make the game about them. MLB umpires are THE WORST!)
 
So, I’m still giving a baseball a pass. I’m not alone, though. As it does every year, Sunday Night Football crushed World Series Game Five in the ratings. America has spoken, and its game is football.
 
 

​Thursday Night
 
San Francisco at Arizona
 
Fact: I have been skeptical about San Francisco since the beginning of the season.
Fact: Despite their success, I have maintained some skepticism throughout.
Fact: San Fran is 7-0.
 
The niners’ defence has been spectacular this season; there’s no arguing with that. As well, the team comes into this contest having just hung a big old 51 on the scoreboard against Carolina. And, yet, I’m still not sure about their offence, particularly Jimmy Garoppolo. It’s not necessarily their (or his) fault; they (and he) haven’t really had to do much. Case in point: during their shellacking of Carolina, San Fran had TD drives that covered 27, 58, 5, and 41 yards, thanks to their defence. The offence also surrendered a Safety. Perhaps I’m being too stubborn (wouldn’t be the first time). After all, San Fran did sustain some long drives in the game as well.
 
All I know is that they’ll most likely be 8-0 after this game, and I likely still won’t be convinced. Upcoming contests against Seattle, Green Bay, and New Orleans will give a better measure of what to expect from this team come playoff time.
 
Winner: San Francisco

Just a quick update on a subject I addressed in Thursday’s column, before I get to this week’s (brief) Picks Column.
 
On Thursday, I mentioned the situation with the Houston Astros’ assistant GM attacking a group of female journalists, as well as the aftermath. In my column, I stated that Brandon Taubman should be fired. Just a few hours after I posted my column, the Astros did, in fact, fire Taubman.
 
A couple of more things, while I’m talking about baseball.
 
I used to follow baseball, but I lost interest in it years ago. There are a number of reasons for this, but mostly, I just find it painfully dull to watch.
 
True story:
 
Just yesterday, I went on youtube to look for a video, Ronan Farrow’s recent appearance on Stephen Colbert’s show. Before I watched it, I clicked on a “suggested video” which was a compilation of animals running onto the field at MLB games. There was one particularly long segment where a squirrel was running onto the field, then it would make its way towards the stands, only to run back onto the field. This went on for several minutes. Two things struck me about this segment. One was that every time the squirrel ran back onto the field, the crowd would erupt in cheers, as though they were starved for excitement. The second thing was that, when the squirrel finally departed, one of the sportscasters who were calling the game actually said, “Well, now what are we going to talk about?” That pretty much sums up baseball to me.

​

​Coincidentally, in Colbert’s monologue, he mentioned gymnast Simone Biles’s amazing first pitch during the World Series, then made a joke about how awful it must have been for the fans in attendance to have seen something so amazing, only to then be subjected to baseball. The joke got a big laugh, so I guess it’s not such a big secret that baseball is as dull as dirt.
 
National pastime, indeed.
 
Anyway, here come the picks. I’ve kept things short this week, as I’m still on vacation.
 
As always, winners in Bold:
 
 
Sunday
 
 
Seattle at Atlanta
 
Atlanta’s season is essentially over. Heads will roll.
 
 
Denver at Indianapolis
 
Indy’s for real. Denver needs to fire John Elway.
 
 
Tampa at Tennessee
 
Ryan Tannehill just might be the answer for Tennessee, and yes, it felt weird to type that.
 
 
Arizona at New Orleans
 
I’d rest Brees at least another week, but I don’t actually care about Brees, so Sean Payton can ignore me to his clogged heart’s content.
 
 
Cincinnati at LAR (at Wembley)
 
Go ahead, LA, gorge yourselves on chumps; you’re not going back to the big game with this offence.
 
 
Philadelphia at Buffalo
 
Buffalo’s defence has proven week after week that it’s among the best in the league. A clean, measured, consistent gameplan, executed by Josh Allen and co. will carry the day for Buffalo, and put Philly in pretty dire straits.
 
 
LAC at Chicago
 
Two teams that ought to be going somewhere, but which are going nowhere. The Bolts NEED to make a trade to get rid of Melvin Gordon ASAP; I’d take 30 cents on the dollar just to have him gone.
 
 
NYG at Detroit
 
New York kind of shat themselves last week; they’re a young team, and it’s a steep learning curve. I’d have Pat Shurmur on a short leash, but what do I know?
 
 
NYJ at Jacksonville
 
Gangrene’s (that’s not a misprint; gangrene is rotten, stinky, and diseased) pitiful performance against the Pats on Monday Night showed what a fluke their win against Dallas the week before was.
 
 
Carolina at San Francisco
 
Probably the most intriguing game of the week. San Fran is riding high, almost completely because of their defence, but I still don’t think they’ve been tested. I think that if Carolina’s defence can rattle Garoppolo, then their CMC-led offence can manufacture enough offence to squeak out a win.
 
 
Oakland at Houston
 
These are the kinds of games that Houston has to win.
 
 
Cleveland at New England
 
New England is kind of banged-up, so if Cleveland can get off to a fast start, who knows.
 
 
 
Sunday Night
 
Green Bay at KC
 
NBC must have been salivating at the thought of Rodgers/Mahomes. Instead, they get Matt Moore (I think) against a pretty good Pack defence, and Aaron Rodgers against a really terrible KC defence that will be without Frank Clark. In other words, a blowout. Still not bad enough to watch baseball, though.
 
 
 
Monday Night
 
Miami at Pittsburgh
 
How exactly did Miami end up on Monday Night Football? Who do they expect will watch this?

I’m on vacation this week, so I’ll be brief, which is fine, as this is a “Quick Pick” column.
 
This week’s theme is, “Guys… don’t… just DON’T!”
 
Last week, I talked a bit about basketball. This week, I’m leading off with baseball.

​

For those of you who don’t know, or forgot (like the Astros and MLB would like you to), Roberto Osuna is a filthy woman-beater (allegedly), who was suspended by MLB for 75 games, and who was picked up by the Astros, mostly due to the fact that many other teams wouldn’t touch him. Brandon Taubman is the assistant GM of the Astros, who apparently thinks that working for a top team gives him impunity to attack female reporters. Here’s an excerpt from the story:
 

And in the center of the room, assistant general manager Brandon Taubman turned to a group of three female reporters, including one wearing a purple domestic-violence awareness bracelet, and yelled, half a dozen times, “Thank God we got Osuna! I’m so f------ glad we got Osuna!”
 
The outburst was offensive and frightening enough that another Houston staffer apologized. The Astros declined to comment. They also declined to make Taubman available for an interview.
 
Taubman's timing was odd.
 
Closer Roberto Osuna had allowed a two-run home run to tie the game in the top of the ninth. He had been, by Baseball Reference’s calculations and any intelligent observer’s assessment, the least valuable Astro that night. So why would Taubman choose that moment, to taunt that demographic? It’s not hard to figure out.
 

​Taubman should be fired. Not fined. Not suspended. Fired. And the Astros organization should be punished severely for its handling of the situation.
 
Back to football, it seems that yet another player has been charged with domestic violence-related crimes. This week, it’s Pittsburgh LB Anthony Chickillo, who used his time off last week to partake in a bit of casino gambling, which naturally led to roughing-up his girlfriend. He’s now on the “commissioner’s exempt list” which means he can’t play, practice, wave a terrible towel, or whatever bullshit, kid-gloves treatment the league sees fit to impose on these nitwits. Of course, Pittsburgh released the standard “we’re cooperating” statement, while the team and fans are probably (definitely) more worried about the LB depth for their next game.

And finally, guys, don’t do this. Just…DON’T!

​

Thursday Night
 
 
Washington at Minnesota
 
I’ll be skipping this one, as I generally do when Washington is playing. It’s bad enough watching a bunch of cosplaying, chanting racists at KC games (while guys like Cris Collinsworth giggle at how “charming” the whole grotesque spectacle is); it’s quite another thing to have to listen to an actual racial slur be repeated over and over by professional sportscasters who, really, ought to know better. At any rate, Minnestota should win this one handily, even without Adam Thielen. And if they don’t, blame Thursday.
 
Winner: Minnesota
​

I’ve been a bit under the weather the past few days, so in lieu of an intro this week, I’ll just start things off with a couple of timely tweets, then get right down to business with this week’s picks.


​

“I say, if your knees aren’t green by the end of the day, you ought to seriously re-examine your life.” – Calvin, to Hobbes
 

And, away we go.


Winners in Bold:
 

​Sunday
 
 
Miami at Buffalo
 
That was a neat trick that Miami pulled last week, coming back in the 4th quarter against Washington, then “going for the win” (sarcastic quotes/italics alert), with a 2-point attempt that was so ineptly conceived that it had no chance of succeeding. And so, Miami’s pursuit of the first-overall pick in the 2020 draft remained on course, but they still made it look like they weren’t tanking. Facing Buffalo’s punishing defence this week, Miami won’t have to fake losing; they should be beaten quite soundly.
 
 
Jacksonville at Cincinnati
 
Jacksonville got rid of supremely talented Jalen Ramsey, which was necessary, even though the relationship never should have deteriorated to that point. Ramsey would probably still be happily playing for Jacksonville if Doug Marrone weren’t such a terrible coach. After a tough outing against New Orleans last week, Gardner Minshew and the Jags’ offence should bounce back against a Cincy squad that is severely limited due to a plethora of injuries.
 
 
Minnesota at Detroit
 
Detroit got robbed by the officials last week against Green Bay; it’s just a fact. A loss is a loss, though. Meanwhile, people are starting to get high on Kirk Cousins again, after a couple of good outings against some overmatched defences. I’m sorely tempted to take Detroit in this one, but their defence is a bit too banged-up to hold off Minnesota for four quarters.
 
 
Oakland at Green Bay
 
This game has the potential to be a lot closer than people think, mostly due to the fact that Green Bay’s receiving corps has so many injuries. Also, Oakland’s players really seem to be buying into Jon Gruden’s program, as evidenced by the way they’ve competed thus far. I expect a close game, and would not be surprised to see Oakland pull an upset here. The Pack will need to get a supreme effort out of their defence, and Aaron Rodgers, to defend their home turf.
 
 
LAR at Atlanta
 
How the mighty have fallen. Atlanta can’t seem to stop anyone on defence, while LA’s offence looks to be a shambles. LA will get a reprieve, as their offence should be able to get going against Atlanta. One win won’t solve all their problems, though.
 
 
Houston at Indianapolis
 
This is one of the most intriguing matchups of the week, and one of my toughest picks. Both teams are solid on both sides of the ball. Both are dealing with some key injuries, as most teams are at this point. If I’m going to give a slight edge to one team, it would have to be Houston, based on the fact that Deshaun Watson seems to be able to do anything right now, and he’ll be facing a hobbled Indy defence. Should be a great game.
 
 
San Francisco at Washington
 
I’m still not completely sold on San Fran’s offence, but their defence sure seems to show up each week, and they should have little difficulty shutting down Washington’s offence.
 
 
Arizona at NYG
 
Arizona comes to town on a bit of a hot streak, and with CB Patrick Peterson back in the fold after serving a six-game PED suspension. New York is coming off a 35-14 loss to the Pats that wasn’t as bad as the score indicates. Big Blue entered the 4th quarter against the defending champs down by only one score, and their defence only gave up three TDs, New England having scored one each on defence and special teams. Particularly encouraging was how well LB Alec Ogletree and CB Janoris Jenkins played, as well as little-used LB David Mayo, who saw significant playing time due to injuries. As well, Daniel Jones, though the numbers don’t show it, hung in like a champ and took his lumps against one of the best defences in the league, with most of his best offensive supporting cast injured. Saquon Barkley, Evan Engram, and Wayne Gallman should all be back this week, which should jump-start the offence significantly. Fun fact: with Philly and Dallas playing each other this week, New York could finish the day tied for second place in the NFC East.
 
 
LAC at Tennessee
 
Well, it looks like Tennessee is ready to move on from Marcus Mariota. That’s too bad. By most accounts, he’s a talented kid, with a great work ethic, and nice to boot. Unfortunately, too much coaching inconsistency, coupled with some injuries, stunted his growth as a QB. It would be nice to see him end up with a team that could straighten him out and help him achieve his potential. In the meantime, Tennessee has decided to go with Ryan Tannehill. The Bolts come to town reeling, after back-to-back losses in which their offence couldn’t find its groove. LA has to know that they have a huge chance to jump right back into the AFC West race with Patrick Mahomes out for at least a few weeks, so I expect them to come out blazing, and to leave it all on the field.
 
 
New Orleans at Chicago
 
There’s a good chance that Mitchell Trubisky plays in this one. Trubisky, Chase Daniel, whoever, Chicago’s offence is putrid, and with New Orleans fielding on of the best defences in the league, it’s hard to imagine where Chicago’s points will come from. That’s not saying that New Orleans’s offence shouldn’t struggle, what with facing Chicago’s beastly defence without Alvin Kamara and Jared Cook. Steady Teddy Bridgewater, Latavius Murray, Michael Thomas, and the rest should be able to do enough against a Chicago defence that will be without Akiem Hicks.
 
 
Baltimore at Seattle
 
For all the talk of Lamar Jackson being the “next big thing,” Baltimore’s offensive output on the scoreboard has been mostly “meh” this season. Seattle definitely has the defence to keep Baltimore from scoring too much, and Russell Wilson should be able to manufacture enough scoring drives against Baltimore’s mediocre defence even without TE Will Dissly.
 
 
Sunday Night
 
 
Philadelphia at Dallas
 
Another intriguing, important divisional matchup, which unfortunately is diminished by injuries to both squads, makes for a difficult pick. After starting 3-0, Dallas has lost three straight, including getting beaten soundly at home by Green Bay, and on the road against NYJ, in games where both the offence and defence started off slowly. Philadelphia has had an up-and-down season, as they’ve battled injuries on both sides of the ball. This week, Philly will go without four starters on defence, including their top two CBs. However, Dallas has a lot of key injuries on offence, particularly on their offensive line, and I think that Philly’s depth at Safety will afford them the ability to get pressure up front and pressure Dak Prescott. Philly’s offence will be the healthiest it’s been in a while, so another slow start by Dallas’s defence would prove costly.
 
 
Monday Night
 
 
New England at NYJ
 
The return of Sam Darnold last week paid huge dividends for New York in a number of ways. He looked confident and poised, spreading the ball around and sustaining drives, particularly one that produced a Field Goal late in the 4th quarter to extend their lead to eight points. Darnold’s ability to move the ball helped New York’s defence produce its best result this season by taking the pressure off them and by giving them more time to rest between Dallas drives. Darnold will be in tough against a New England defence that is among the best in the league, and is well-rested and mostly healthy. Also helping New England’s cause is the return to practice of Rex Burkhead and Phillip Dorsett, signalling their possible availability. New York always plays its A-game when facing the Pats, and playing at home with Darnold running the offence should produce a more competitive contest than their Week Three tilt.

I don’t follow basketball. I haven’t had any interest in it at all since I was a teenager, when I basically tried to be interested in it, but eventually discovered that I don’t like it all that much. I’m aware of it, as part of the cultural landscape, as entertainment news, or whatever. I’m not sure if I could name twenty players in the NBA right now, nor would I even be interested in trying.
 
But I know who LeBron James is. I mean, who doesn’t?
 
I don’t want to write about basketball, or a basketball player. Not at all. Nevertheless, I’ve been thinking about this particular basketball player these past few days.
 
Last week, I mentioned Rihanna, and her refusal to perform at the Superb Owl Halftime Show because she’s friends with Colin Kaepernick. I compared her stance to that of Jay-Zed, who has entered into a potentially lucrative partnership with the NFL, and I said that Rihanna has more integrity than Jay-Zed when it comes to this issue.
 
I want to make something clear.
 
The NFL is a pretty cruddy organization. Despite a shit-ton of PR, and a lickspittle sports media that trades cooperation for access, everyone pretty much knows that the league’s record… excuse me… CURRENT record (as in RIGHT NOW) on player safety, racism, violence against women, etc., is extremely shitty.
 
That said, the NFL is not a country… sorry… TOTALITARIAN DICTATORSHIP with a horrible reputation for human rights abuses, which includes silencing its own people by any means necessary, should said people do so much as criticize the regime.
 
China is a huge market. The NBA wants access to that market. In the US, there is supposed to be freedom of speech; in China, there is not. China has made it clear that if the NBA wants to do business with China, no one associated with the league is permitted to say anything negative about China.
 
LeBron James is a millionaire many, many times over. He makes millions in salary, and many millions more through his many business ventures and partnerships. However, this week, he made it clear that he values access to China’s economy over freedom.
 
Those are just the facts.
 
I think it’s disgusting.


​

Thursday Night
 
 
KC at Denver
 
One of these teams started 4-0, the other 0-4. However, they currently seem to be trending in opposite directions, and now they are not as far apart as some might think. Denver is 2-4, but could easily be 4-2, having lost two excruciatingly close games. In notching their first two wins, their defence seems to have finally started playing at the high level I thought they would. KC has lost two in a row, but it could very well have been three or even four in a row. They won a shootout with Baltimore, then were lucky to beat a Detroit team that had outplayed them for most of the game, before being thoroughly dominated first by Indy, then last week by Houston. The main culprit in KC’s losses has been their defence, which can’t seem to generate much of a pass rush, and can’t stop the run. Compounding the problems for KC is injuries on the OL, which is making things difficult for Patrick Mahomes. Sure, Mahomes can still do more than most QBs anyway, but it’s been difficult for him to do much the past two weeks with his arse stuck on the bench for large chunks of time while opponents gash KC’s defence on the ground, and when he’s under siege when he finally does get onto the field.
 
I think that the combination of Denver’s defence and RB Phillip Lindsay, plus KC’s terrible defence and OL woes, equals an excellent opportunity for Denver at home.
 
Winner: Denver


(And, if my column gets shut down for some reason, you'll know why.)

Matt Barkley. David Fales. Paxton Lynch. Mike Glennon. Chase Daniel. Sean Mannion. Matt Schaub. Blake Bortles. Geno Smith.
 
All currently on NFL rosters. Chase Daniel has already been pressed into starting duty due to injury. Matt Barkley had to relieve Josh Allen against the Pats. Any one of these QBs are but an injury away from being under Center.
 
They all suck.
 
Meanwhile…

​

...and while we're on the subject of Kaep...

​

Good to know that Rihanna has more integrity than Jay-Zed.



Winners in Bold:
 
 
Sunday
 
 
Carolina at Tampa (In Tottenham, UK)
 
(Note: As I established last week, Tottenham is the Hell’s Kitchen of London, but with less Daredevil, and more hooligans.)
Last week, I said that I’d be shocked if Jameis Winston didn’t throw at least two picks against New Orleans, so I’d like to take this opportunity to mention that Winston DID, in fact, throw two passes that were intercepted, but the interceptions were nullified by penalties. (So, there.) Tampa is facing another tough defence this week. Carolina has been managing reasonably well on offence in Cam Newton’s absence, mostly due to the spectacular rushing/receiving of Christian McCaffrey. Tampa will no doubt try to key on McCaffrey in order to slow down Carolina’s attack. If Carolina can avoid falling behind early, they should be able to win a close one here.
 
 
Washington at Miami
 
I would not watch this game if you fucking paid me! (Well… how much are we talking about here?) Seriously, though, not only are these two of the worst teams in the league right now, but both franchises are an affront to football and basic human decency. Washington owner Dan Snyder, by any measure a reprehensible creature, knows nothing about football, but thinks he does; the team’s record since he took over bears this out. Stephen Ross, Miami’s owner and some-time Trump fundraiser, cares nothing about football; he seems to merely like the idea of owning a franchise (people?) because he’s a billionaire and he can do things like that. I’m pulling for Miami in this one, because I like Josh Rosen and I think Arizona did him dirty, and I absolutely abhor Washington.
 
 
Philadelphia at Minnesota
 
This one is just maddening. Everything points to Minnesota winning this one. Philly’s roster is decimated by injuries, while Minnesota is relatively healthy. Minnesota has a talented defence, and loads of skill on offence in both the running and passing game. Minnesota is playing at home. So, I’m supposed to trust Kirk Cousins now because he looked competent for one game against a middling defence last week? I’ll tell you what: when Cousins proves that he can keep from acting like a complete spaz every time he plays a decent team, I’ll start trusting him.
 
 
Houston at KC
 
It sure was weird watching Patrick Mahomes hobbling around trying to make plays against the stingy Indy defence. This week, KC has Houston coming to town. Deshaun Watson has been explosive this season, when he can stay upright, and KC doesn’t exactly have the greatest defence around. Houston has a pretty good defence, though. This game has the potential to be a really fun, shootout-type of game. I like Houston’s chances a lot, provided dum-dum Bill O’Brien doesn’t find a way to screw it up. Note: There’s word that Tyreek Hill might play in this one. Generally, I’m against rushing a player back who’s been injured, but in this case, it wouldn’t really bother me if he came back too soon and ended up getting hurt again.
 
 
New Orleans at Jacksonville
 
I just love Gardner Minshew. He’s fun, and he’s a gamer. I’d like to pick Jacksonville in this one, just based on that. Plus, Alvin Kamara popped up on the injury report, so that’s a major concern. However, I don’t trust a hobbled Jalen Ramsey to be able to shut down Michael Thomas, and I really don’t trust Doug Marrone not to fuck things up in a close game, and New Orleans’s defence looks really sharp right now.
 
 
Seattle at Cleveland
 
You’ve got to hand it to Cleveland; they went out last week and played against San Fran in a manner that truly befits their name. Based on what he’s gotten out of his team thus far, I don’t think it would be unfair to suggest that Freddie Kitchens might not be cut out to be a head coach in the NFL. Also, Baker Mayfield might want to consider, oh, I don’t know, shutting the fuck up until he actually accomplishes something in this league. Maybe win a few games, throw more TDs than INTs. Stuff like that. This week’s opponent will do Mayfield no favours. If Cleveland’s pass rush can get past Seattle’s dinged-up OL and harry Russell Wilson, then Cleveland will have a chance. Still, I predict boos; lots of boos.
 
 
Cincinnati at Baltimore
 
Cincy is another team that currently looks like the walking wounded. Zac Taylor is another coach who I already have serious questions about. If Cincy can manage a decent offensive effort, they might be able to hang with Baltimore for a bit, but Baltimore should win going away.
 
 
San Francisco at LAR
 
I thought that this game might be the big test for San Fran, a team I still can’t quite get a handle on. Unfortunately for LA, Todd Gurley is out, as well as Clay Matthews and Aqib Talib. On the plus side, Jared Goff, who showed more poise than I’ve ever seen from him during what should have been a game-winning drive last week against Seattle (before Greg Zuerlein’s shank), will have a full complement of healthy receivers. Also, both of San Fran’s starting Tackles are out, so look for LA to get some pressure on Garoppolo and try to rattle him. Also, for a supposedly smart person, Richard Sherman sure does like acting like an idiot. I’m beginning to wonder if Aunt Becky helped him get into Stanford.
 
 
Atlanta at Arizona
 
Atlanta is another team that I can’t take seriously right now when they’re playing against good teams, due to their defence. I think that Atlanta should be able to muster enough offence to outlast Arizona, but with Atlanta’s defence playing as badly as it has, Arizona might give them a run for their money.
 
 
Dallas at NYJ
 
As much as I did not enjoy being wrong in picking Dallas last week against Green Bay, my disappointment was salved every time the Fox broadcast of the game showed Jerry Jones grimacing in his private box as his team (especially Dak Prescott and Dallas’s talented defence) took a giant, steaming dump on that silver star. Jones’s agony was my ecstasy. After that fiasco, Dallas needs a patsy to beat up on. One patsy, coming up.
 
 
Tennessee at Denver
 
Impressive win by Denver last week, dispatching an injury-riddled Bolts squad (what else is new?). I’m sure Denver must be feeling pretty good about themselves. Enter Tennessee, ready to roll, no doubt feeling chastened after getting beaten up by a Buffalo defence that is much better than Denver’s. Denver is in for a real fight in this one.
 
 
Sunday Night
 
 
Pittsburgh at LAC
 
On the one hand, LA has a bunch of injuries. Yeah, yeah, yeah…whatever. On the other hand… WHO THE FUCK IS DEVLIN HODGES?!? OH MY GOD!!! Pittsburgh sucks SO BAD, and it feels SO GOOD!!! Now, as long as the Bolts’ offensive game plan doesn’t involve exposing Phillip Rivers to Pittsburgh’s pass rush, my night shouldn’t be ruined.
 
 
Monday Night
 
 
Detroit at Green Bay
 
I like what Detroit has done this season; they’ve really competed, and it looks like Matt Patricia might be finally making some headway. However, after Green Bay’s dismantling of Dallas last week in Jerry’s playpen, I’m afraid I’m going to have to start taking the Pack seriously.

Last year, my wife planned a dinner/get-together to celebrate my birthday. We invited a bunch of my family and friends.
 
My wife loves football, and she’s a Pats’ fan. All of my friends who were at the party are fans of different teams. There were a couple of my friends there who my wife was meeting for the first time. So she says to these two guys (I’m paraphrasing): “I’m a Pats’ fan, so I know that I can say whatever I want to <Oakland fan> and <Tennessee fan> (two of my other friends), and I can say whatever I want to you <Cincy fan>…” and then she looked at my other friend, and said, “But I can’t say shit to you.”
 
My other friend. The Giants’ fan.
 
Such is the nature of this curious rivalry.
 
For most of the past two decades, New England has achieved success heretofore unseen in the NFL. Year after year, season after season, they win. Players come. Players go. The constant has been Brady and Belichick.
 
Six Superb Owls. Nine AFC Championships. Thirteen AFC Championship appearances. Sixteen division titles. Just an incredible, unprecedented run of success.
 
In 2007, New England mowed down all comers en route to a 16-0 regular season record. Two playoff wins brought them to the big game, and a chance at history.
 
Everyone remembers what happened. New York did the unthinkable.
 
Four years later, the Pats were back in the big game. So was Big Blue. New England, once again, were heavy favourites, having had another dominant season while New York had barely made the playoffs at 9-7. Here was an opportunity for New England to win its fourth championship, and avenge the perfection-marring loss from four years previous.
 
And damned if those pesky New Yorkers didn’t do it to them again.
 
There’s no denying the accomplishments of New England during the Brady/Belichick era. Last season was the team’s EIGHTH STRAIGHT appearance in the AFC Championship game, for-crying-out-loud. It’s amazing. It’s freakish. It’s annoying. Whatever your opinion, the Pats being in the playoff mix year after year seems almost inevitable. They will go down as history’s greatest team. You simply can’t take that away from them.
 
As great as they’ve been, and as much as they’ve accomplished, nothing will ever erase those two losses to New York in the Big Game. One could be dismissed as a fluke. Twice is hard to ignore.
 
Those two New York victories in many ways epitomize what makes watching football so great. Week after week, season after season, what seems impossible becomes possible. There are no guarantees. The games are played, not on paper, but on the field.
 
 

​Thursday Night
 
NYG at New England
 
New England is a little banged-up, particularly on offence. Phillip Dorsett is out, and Julian Edelman, Josh Gordon, and Rex Burkhead are all hurting. Plus, with injuries along the OL, Brady’s protection is still a work-in-progress. Still, as much as the Pats are hurting, New York is hurting more. Daniel Jones will have to face what is currently the best defence in football without RBs Saquon Barkley and Wayne Gallman, WR Sterling Shepard, and TE Evan Engram. That’s a pretty tall order. Again, it will be a good learning experience for the rookie signal-caller. And who knows; maybe, if the game gets out of hand, New York will put Eli in for a few snaps, just to give old man Brady some heart palpitations.
 
Winner: New England 

​Last Sunday, as I endured a horrible week of picking, I was reminded of a conversation I had a few years ago (via Twitter messages) with the late Don Banks, one of my favourite sportswriters. He had tweeted out something about what a horrible week he’d had with his picks, saying he couldn’t remember the last time he’d had such a bad week. I responded quickly with the exact week that he’d had as bad a week, from just the previous season. I said I knew, because I too had gotten slaughtered during both weeks as well. (He sent me a funny direct message in response. He was a good guy. I miss his writing.)
 
Each week, I make my picks, and I expect to get them all correct. I stand by every one of my picks. Sometimes, you get a really even matchup, and it goes the other way, like Dallas/New Orleans. Sometimes, Tampa goes on the road and hangs 55 on the defending NFC champs. And sometimes, enough things go sideways in one week to produce a 6-9 stinker like I had last week. Thankfully, a triumvirate of young turks, Baker Mayfield, Gardner Minshew, and Daniel (Co)Jones took care of business, or things could have been a whole lot worse.
 
So, what do you do?
 
You learn, and you move on to next week.
 
My exchange with Don Banks from a few years ago was a good way for me to remind myself that, sometimes, things go wrong, and sometimes too, a lot can go wrong. It was good to know that one of the “pros” had bad weeks just like I did. Don Banks always “owned” his failures, and he didn’t crow about his successes. He had integrity. In a business where so much of today’s sports “journalism” is about access obtained by sucking up to the league, teams, coaches, and players, Banks was a throwback, a guy who watched football and wrote about it, in an informative and oftentimes humorous fashion. His loss has left a gap in my enjoyment of the game this season. I hope fans remember him as fondly as I do.
 
All right, enough with the sentimentality. On to the picks.
 
As always, winners in bold:
 
​
Sunday
 
Jacksonville at Carolina
 
Jalen Ramsay is out again this week, with a bad back, or hurt feelings, or something. Whatever his problem is, it’s more lucrative than holding out. In the meantime, Jax still has a pretty good defence, and they have cool-as-the-other-side-of-the-pillow Gardner Minshew leading the offence. Carolina’s defence has been playing really well too, and Kyle Allen has played well in Cam Newton’s absence. Allen, however, has shown a tendency to fumble, having done so five times in two games (losing four). In as close a game as this most likely will be, turnovers could be the deciding factor.
 
 
New England at Washington
 
Biggest news for the defending champs this week concerns the loss of K Stephen Gostkowski. New England’s signing of veteran Mike Nugent should calm Pats’ fans somewhat, but as someone who was hoping that Bill Belichick would decide to play without a placekicker, or even better, coax Doug Flutie out of retirement to do dropkicks, I’m a little disappointed. Pats will be without Patrick Chung and Rex Burkhead, but they’re deep in the secondary and at RB. Another weak opponent for New England this week. Eventually they’re going to have to play someone decent, and then we’ll see how good they really are.

​Buffalo at Tennessee
 
Tennessee has been maddening to try and predict this season, mostly due to the inconsistency of the offence. Last week, Marcus Mariota caught fire for enough of a stretch to stake his team to a big lead, then they kind of stalled after the half, and went conservative and ground out the win. Buffalo has, without a doubt, one of the best defences in the league to this point, so I don’t envision Tennessee doing a lot of scoring in this one. The question will be how much scoring Buffalo can do. Frank Gore is still getting it done, and Rookie Devin Singletary might be back to share some of the rushing load. Josh Allen hasn’t been ruled out for this one yet, so that’s good, and even if he has trouble, Matt Barkley is a decent option. Anyone know what Doug Flutie is up to this weekend?

​Baltimore at Pittsburgh
 
Though I’m no fan of John Harbaugh, I’ll give him credit for being smart enough design a gameplan that limits Lamar Jackson’s exposure to Pittsburgh’s pass rush. Pittsburgh should be able to generate some decent offence against Baltimore’s struggling defensive unit, but Baltimore should be able to outlast Pittsburgh with a run-heavy attack.
 
 
Arizona at Cincinnati
 
Cincinnati’s game against Pittsburgh this past Monday started out pretty much as I expected, with the offence mixing some running plays with some quick passes designed to protect Andy Dalton from the one thing that Pittsburgh’s defence does well, which is rush the passer. Pretty basic stuff, but it was working. Then, inexplicably, the gameplan changed; Dalton started taking deep drops, with the predicable result that he started getting hammered. Things got quickly out of hand. I’m no coach, but it seems to me that doing the one thing you absolutely shouldn’t do is a bad strategy that any coach should be able to avoid. I’m getting the impression that Zac Taylor is one of those “genius” coaches who thinks that he can just do things his “genius” way, without regard for what the opponent does or does not do well. I hope Andy Dalton retires. He deserves better. I’m glad I got that off my chest.
 
 
Atlanta at Houston
 
I’m off Atlanta for now. They just can’t seem to pull it together. Houston, on the other hand, despite its offseason moves, still can’t figure out how to protect Deshaun Watson. I’m convinced that Watson can lead this team to glory, but with the punishment he’s taking, the window might be closing fast. Fire Bill O’Brien!
 
 
Tampa at New Orleans
 
I’ve seen games like last week’s LA/TB game before; I think some of LA’s players might have been looking ahead to the big Thursday Night showdown with Seattle, and thought they could just show up and beat Tampa. Then Tampa went “bombs-away,” and LA was playing catchup for the rest of the afternoon. Sean Payton won’t let that happen to his team. New Orleans’s defence is too good, particularly its secondary, to get lit-up by Tampa. If Jameis Winston has fewer than two INTs in this one, I’ll be legitimately shocked.
 
 
Minnesota at NYG
 
This is a funny one. Big Blue fans are justifiably excited by the play of Daniel Jones, and the team has shown a spark since he assumed the role of starting QB. Minnesota represents the best team that New York has faced since Jones’s ascension. However, this is a Minnesota team in turmoil. For a second straight season, high expectations have turned into disappointment, key players (especially Kirk Cousins, AGAIN) are underperforming, and fingers are being pointed. It’s the perfect time for a feisty young team to pounce. Even if New York can’t shock Minnesota, it will be interesting to see how Jones performs against top-notch defensive talent. Whatever happens, this is a great learning opportunity for Jones, and the rest of this young team.
 
 
Chicago at Oakland (in Tottenham, UK)
 
Fun fact: Tottenham is actually a smaller part of a small part of London, kind of like a neighbourhood. It’s like if The Hotspur (Tottenham’s “Upper-Case-F” Football Club) played a game in Hell’s Kitchen (I guess; geography isn’t exactly my strong suit). Another fun fact: Oakland is 2-2, but has mostly been lucky on that front, and is about to run into a buzzsaw of a Chicago defence. Yet another fun fact: With Mitch Trubisky out, Chicago has promoted 6’6” giant Tyler Bray, who has thrown one (incompleted) pass in five NFL seasons, to back up Chase Daniel. Un-fun fact: As far as I know, Chicago has not contacted Doug Flutie as to his availability. Also of note: The NFL took measures to make the league safer by suspending serial head-smasher Vontaze Burfict for the remainder of the season. May he never set foot on a football field again.

​NYJ at Philadelphia
 
No Sam Darnold again this week for New York. Philly may not be all it’s cracked up to be, but they should be able to comfortably come out on top in this one.
 
 
Denver at LAC
 
LA’s defence has struggled a bit without S Derwin James. Fortunately for them, Denver’s offence can’t seem to do much right. Phillip Rivers and Co. should be able to take a low-risk approach to this game, and come away with a comfortable win.
 
 
Green Bay at Dallas
 
No Davante Adams this week ups the difficulty factor for the struggling Green Bay offence. Dallas just lost the same kind of slugfest that they won last year against New Orleans. Dallas needs to do a better job of protecting Dak Prescott this week, which might be a bit difficult with LT Tyron Smith out and RT La’el Collins hurting. Look for a gameplan from Dallas that relies on Prescott getting the ball out quickly, plus a heavy dose of the rush. Holding onto the ball will help a lot, too.
 
 

Sunday Night
 
Indianapolis at KC
 
Injuries finally caught up with Indy last week, and they fell behind early and had to play catch-up. With Darius Leonard still out with a concussion, and a beat-up squad on both sides of the ball, it will be nigh-impossible for Indy to do much to stem the tide against Patrick Mahomes.
 
 

​Monday Night
 
Cleveland at San Francisco
 
Cleveland got a win last week that was much-needed for a few reasons. They beat division rival Baltimore, made some necessary headway in the standings, and they got some of their confidence back after a rough start. San Fran is off to a hot start, and a lot of people are high on them. Against Cleveland’s defence, we’ll finally get to what Jimmy Garoppolo is made of.

Hey folks.
 
By now, I’m sure you all know how I feel about football on Thursdays. Last week’s game was a classic example. Big divisional rivalry game. Green Bay had early troubles with their two best offensive linemen, Tackles Brian Bulaga and David Bakhtiari; Bulaga would eventually leave the game for good (he’s probably out for this week, too). Later Green Bay lost top WR Davante Adams to a foot injury (he’s also probably out this week). Green Bay ended up losing to a struggling Philly team, largely due to Aaron Rodgers being pressured and Green Bay being unable to convert on Red Zone and goal-to-go opportunities. Say what you want, but I refuse to believe that playing on short rest did not, at the very least, contribute to Bulaga’s and Bakhtiari’s woes. Another potentially great game marinated in the taint of Thursday Night. More unnecessary injuries. It’s not fair, I tell you.
 
Oh, and for 2019, I’m 0-for-Thursday. Ain’t that a kick in the head?
 
So, here we go with another big-time divisional matchup. I’ll let one of the participants finish my intro for me:


​

Thursday Night
 
LAR at Seattle
 
This is one of those early-season, big-time, divisional matchups that are a nightmare to try and predict. The fact that it’s happening on a Thursday night, with everything that goes with that ridiculousness, only complicates matters. However, I refuse to shy away from my duty as the author of The Best Picks Column in the World. The muckier it gets, the more I will dig to try to find solid ground.
 
It’s hard to get a sense of how good these teams really are at this point. LA’s offence still looks fine. They have good receivers, spread the ball around, have a decent rushing attack, and protect the QB well. The main problem is Jared Goff, who, while talented, folds like a card table under pressure. LAs defence has plenty of talent, but has underperformed, I believe due to subpar play up front, and the defensive liability of having a dunce like Marcus Peters starting at CB. Seattle’s offence has also spread the ball around well to its receivers, and has shown a decent rushing attack, but it hasn’t done as good a job at protecting Russell Wilson. On defence, the fearsome pass rush I’ve been expecting from Seattle hasn’t materialized, and their secondary is a shadow of its former glory.
 
Normally, I would give Seattle a huge advantage for playing at home, but they barely won their home opener against Cincy, and they got stomped two weeks later by Teddy Bridgewater and Co. They’re coming off a relatively easy win over Arizona, which could play a factor on short rest. LA just got humiliated at home by Tampa, and probably are looking to atone, so you can’t ignore that motivation. Also, because LA fell behind so early to Tampa this past Sunday, Todd Gurley ended up not getting a lot of touches, so he should be just that much fresher for this contest.
 
I really thought I’d end up picking Seattle in this one. I really did. However, matchups make games, and I think that LA’s OL, plus Seattle’s pass rush and secondary, is the deciding factor here.
 
Don’t say you weren’t warned.
 
Winner: LAR