Week Thirteen

Thursday Night

Washington at Dallas

To put it simply, Washington's offence is pretty good, and is facing a Dallas defence that will be once again without its best player, Sean Lee, so I can't see Dallas's anaemic offence keeping pace. Winner: Washington

Had planned on something extra this week, but I'm gassed, physically, mentally, and emotionally.
​

Week Twelve Picks
 
Winner in Bold
 
Sunday
 
Tampa at Atlanta
 
Cleveland at Cincinnati
 
Tennessee at Indianapolis
 
Buffalo at Kansas City
 
Miami at New England
 
Carolina at NYJ
 
Chicago at Philadelphia
 
Seattle at San Francisco
 
New Orleans at LAR
 
Jacksonville at Arizona
 
Denver at Oakland
 
Green Bay at Pittsburgh
 
 
Monday Night
 
Houston at Baltimore
​

For as long as I can remember, there’s been Thursday football. For years, it only happened once a season, on the big US November holiday, and the games were always hosted by Detroit and Dallas. Knowing what a physically demanding sport football is, I always felt bad for the teams that had to play a game on Sunday, only to play again four days later.
 
Regular Thursday Night Football has been around in some form for just over ten years now. From what I understand, many players hate playing Thursday games. Who could blame them? Professional football is a brutal game. Just this past Sunday, I saw part of a feature during the Sunday night telecast on Cowboys’ TE Jason Witten. I wasn’t really paying close attention, but one of the details that I seized upon was when Witten was describing a day of treatment that he went through to keep himself healthy enough to survive the rigours of the season. On this particular day, Witten would subject himself to a variety of therapies over the course of seven hours. All of this, just to keep himself physically able to play one game a week. Imagine how his body must feel today as he prepares to play on only four days’ rest, instead of the usual seven.
 
There’s money to be made, however, and the league won’t give it up easily. Big money: TV contracts, advertising, sales of special (and hideous) “color rush” jerseys worn on Thursday Night telecasts. The billionaire owners really need that extra infusion of profit, player health and safety be damned.
 
It’ll probably never happen, unless the players take a stand, but the NFL should eliminate Thursday football completely. That would be something for which players could truly be thankful.
 

Week Twelve
 
Thursday
 

​Minnesota at Detroit
In a league full of pretenders, Minnesota looks like the real deal. The Vikings’ talented and well-coached defence should be able to keep Detroit’s one-dimensional offence under wraps. Winner: Minnesota
 

LAC at Dallas
As bad as Thursday games are, it seems particularly cruel for the Cowboys today, having played just this past Sunday night. With Sean Lee (injured) and Ezekiel Elliot (asshole) unavailable, and Tyron Smith questionable, Dak Prescott facing a tough pass rush, and the Chargers playing well, things look pretty grim for the home team. Winner: LAC
 

NYG at Washington
As banged-up as Washington is, they still managed to give the Saints a scare on Sunday. Winner: Washington

Two quick items this week before I get to the picks:

• I never really cared much about Jimmy Johnson one way or the other. I’ve never followed college football, I hated his Cowboys teams, though I acknowledge that he was an excellent pro coach and evaluator of talent, and he comes off well as a TV analyst. That being said, I’m a fan of his now. Why? Because I found out this week that he is an enthusiastic supporter and promotor of Beyond Meat, a plant-based meat substitute. Way to go, coach. I fucking love you for doing this.
• You know that Tampa QB that I loathe, the (most likely) rapist? Well, in case you hadn’t heard, this week, he was accused by an Uber driver of sexual assault. Imagine my surprise. To the driver, I would like to say that “I believe you, and I’m sorry that this happened to you.” He’s a scumbag, pure and simple. I believe that.

 
Week Eleven Picks
​
Winner in Bold

Sunday

Tampa at Miami
Anyone outside of Florida care about this game? Anyone in Florida care about this game? Anyone care about this game? Anyone...?
 
Detroit at Chicago
I’d say the Lions are just good enough to squeak past the Bears.
 
Jacksonville at Cleveland
0-16 is real, folks.
 
Baltimore at Green Bay
Baltimore stinks, but so does Green Bay, and the Packers have so many injuries…
 
Arizona at Houston
Yuck. Just, yuck.
 
LAR at Minnesota
Game of the week potential here. The Rams have feasted on weaklings, but this is a big step up for them. Too big of a step if you ask me.
 
Washington at New Orleans
I like Washington, but they just have too many guys hurt right now.
 
Kansas City at NYG
It’s no secret that the Giants have quit. It’s embarrassing, really. Real fans, instead of blindly supporting this joke of a team, should be outraged.
 
Buffalo at LAC
The Chargers have lacked fan support in previous home games this season. Do Bills fans travel?
 
Cincinnati at Denver
Denver should be able to hold off Cincy at home, but I don’t think they will for some reason.
 
New England at Oakland (in Mexico City)
This is a huge opportunity for the Raiders, with the Pats being so banged-up right now, but I think New England is in the zone, getting markedly better with each passing week.
 
Philadelphia at Dallas
So, it needs to be said: the Cowboys really fucked themselves with the Ezekiel Elliot situation. The Tom Brady saga proved that Goodell always gets his way with suspensions, but instead of taking their lumps during the soft part of their schedule, now the team is without Elliot for a stretch that I could see them go 2-4 or worse. That’s on Jerry Jones. I hope the Eagles blow them out in Dallas, and with Sean Lee out, it’ll probably happen.
 

Monday Night
 
Atlanta at Seattle
Losing Richard Sherman is huge, but losing Kam Chancellor is a death blow. If the Falcons can’t beat the Seahawks now, they never will.

Week Eleven

Thursday Night

Tennessee at Pittsburgh

I keep saying that the Steelers aren't as good as everyone thinks. I'd love it if they'd lose. Unfortunately, the Titans don't seem to be as good as everyone thought they'd be this year. Winner: Pittsburgh (Blech)

Week Ten Picks

Winner in Bold

Sunday

New Orleans at Buffalo
Saints are hot right now.

Green Bay at Chicago
Tough call, but I'll take the scrappy Bears.

Cleveland at Detroit
Pro tip: in games where the Browns are involved, it is often prudent to pick the Browns' opponent to win.

Pittsburgh at Indianapolis
Still not buying the Steelers being a top-tier team, but they're good enough to thump the Colts.

LAC at Jacksonville
Game of the week potential here. Don't sleep on these Chargers.

NYJ at Tampa
My feelings about the Bucs' woes should be abundantly clear by now.

Cincinnati at Tennessee
Under-achievers hosting about-what-I-expected-achievers.

Minnesota at Washington
Game of the week potential here. Don't sleep on these Washingtonians.

Houston at LAR
This could have been a hot matchup a couple of weeks ago. Now, not so much.

Dallas at Atlanta
Is he playing? I honestly don't know, and I can't be bothered to check, mostly because it doesn't matter this week. I do hope that when he finally doesn't play, it really, really matters.

NYG at San Francisco
This could be the week.

New England at Denver
Every week, the Pats' defence gets a little bit closer to figuring things out, while the loaded offence keeps chugging along.


Monday Night

Miami at Carolina
​How is Carolina 6-3? They just don't seem that good. Next week, I'll be asking, "How is Carolina 7-3?"

Week Nine

Thursday Night

Seattle at Arizona

I think I'll pass on this game. Arizona stinks, and I hate Seattle. Might PVR it though; should Frank Clark's helmet get knocked off, with his head still inside, I'll want to have a recording of that.

Winner: Seattle

Week Nine Picks

Winner in Bold

Sunday

Atlanta at Carolina
Two maddeningly inconsistent teams; nigh-impossible pick. Seriously, I’m guessing here.

Indianapolis at Houston
This is a Brissett-over-Savage pick.

Cincinnati at Jacksonville
Andy Dalton throws four INTs, followed by almost-Brown AJ McCarron throwing three more.

Tampa at New Orleans
I keep hearing and reading about how baffling it is that the Bucs haven’t made “the leap” this year, as so many experts predicted. I have a theory, which I will summarize thusly: if you’re looking for leadership, maybe you shouldn’t expect that a (most likely) rapist with low moral character will provide it.

LAR at NYG
Giants still suck, in case anyone forgot.

Denver at Philadelphia
Philly’s probably the best team in the league right now, so I feel safe in saying that Brock Osweiler isn’t going to beat them.

Baltimore at Tennessee
If Tennessee can’t beat the Ravens, then I don’t know what to do with them.

Arizona at San Francisco
This could be the week. I mean, why not?

Washington at Seattle
Seahawks hold serve at home.

Kansas City at Dallas
No, seriously, fuck Jerry Jones and fuck Ezekiel Elliot. What a joke. When Elliot is finally forced to sit down, I hope it’s at the worst possible time, and I hope Dallas misses the playoffs because of it.

Oakland at Miami
Adam Gase is just begging to be fired. He’s terrible. Can’t get his players ready; can’t get them to care; has no control over the team. Miami is a joke of a franchise.


Monday Night

Detroit at Green Bay
Green Bay’s best chance for winning any game is currently healing broken bone, so…

Week Nine

Thursday Night

Buffalo at NYJ

Bills, I guess.

(Sorry, but I'm just slammed this week)